My baby is 3...

Yikes, I can't beleive I have a three year old. Where does the time go? All I know is thank goodness I'm having another baby because I'm not ready to be done with babies around and someone that actually needs you instead of a now independant toddler or one that only likes her daddy. Yes I'm jelous:) I had Amy take some pictures for me for her birthday invitation so check these out. She's so beautiful and so big!! :(

Keeping Up...

I've decided to keep blogging, and get over anonymously left comments on my blog. It's easy to judge when you've never walked in someone else's shoes. But more so I've decided to blog again because my Dr. told me she's about to put me on bed rest because my baby is measuring small, so the only way I can not do anything is to keep my laptop right here by me. It's amazing how much time you can waste when you have your laptop next to you. It's 8:30 and I'm already bored and thinking about everything I could be doing instead of sitting here on my computer, but I have to think of the baby and make sure she is ok, so I will just sit still. :(

Letting the cat out of the bag...

So let's just get it over with...I'm pregnant. Can you tell how enthused I am about being so:( I feel so rude for not being overly excited and parts of me is but I'm just not one to be a child bearer. I don't enjoy the surge of hormones, and I don't find it cute to be kicked constantly...I feel they wear out their welcome inside of you very quickly! I need a baby wal-mart where I can pick the color and sex of the next one I want. She is due Oct. 18th and I hope she's early and ready to get out quick!! They tell me she's a she but I'm still not convinced. July 29th is my next ultra sound and if they tell me then it's still a girl well then a girl it is, it would be more convienent if it was becasue I have more then enough for her to pass on down but my heart was really hoping for a boy if i had to go through this again. Have you ever noticed we just don't get what we want in life?:) (I know I should be greatful for a healty baby and not be consumed with the sex, but to me it's the most fun to shop for them!) So there it is...I know people have been talking and looking, and I do have a beer gut but I didn't take up drinking it's just the baby stretching out my body:)

Updating my Blog...

Now I know why I stopped this for so long...it comsumes too much of my time and I could sit here forever playing around with all of this! Need to catch up on life but really I feel like I am in one of those ruts where I would rather not be in my own life...at some point in time I will catch up on my blogging. But for now my background is pretty:)

OH MY SWEET KALEIGH

me yelling from upstairs...(thinking huh I haven't heard from her in awhile...) Kaleigh where are you?

"eating cheese, right here"

and this is what i found....

i guess i'll have to start paying more attention:)

something to talk about...

I remember I got a phone call today from an agency (finally) but it wasn't a good phone call. We thought maybe going in a direction of foster to adopt would be a good option, but I just don't know how I could give the baby back to a crappy family when I know if they stayed with me I would give them the world and nothing but love. She said well ultimately the goal is to reunite them with their families because the best place for them is with their mom and dad. really because if the state is even involved in a family that's a problem to me...a huge problem!!! and ultimately I don't agree that that is the best place for the kids. I mostly feel like a chicken with my head cut off trying desparately to find a direction to go that will provide me with another child. How sad is that? I know you think well why don't you just do it again, (that's what my family says all the time and I really want to punch them when they ask that). I lost a huge! part of my life after Kaleigh, I was soo sick and anxious and couldn't travel couldn't do anything, it has taken me two years to finally get to the point where I could drive into town and not be so anxious and retarded. Maybe it wasn't due to being pregnant and it was just something that was going to happen but my pregnancy was the worst thing in the whole entire world, I would rather go through the scare and surgery of cancer again then have a baby. Plus in my heart I know this is what I am supposed to do I just thought it would be easier then this...and then to hear or know kids should be reunited with their loser parents, really makes my inards boil.
ok i will quit with my pitty party because really i am quite good at them...:)

time for something new...

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would post something...but as I sit here I think what do I really have to talk about. Last Friday I got hit so I have been spending a lot of time taking care of that with my car and trying to get it fixed but it will be fixed next week:). Then I have been spending so much time with my cousins lately, and well that always has it's ups and downs. Although Brandon and I have a good time. And then there is work. Oh work, really I got married so I wouldn't have to work. (I know that sounds bad but it's true) It doesn't appeal to me at all it isn't something I enjoy. I love money though!! and having some extra money to spend is always nice. However call me lazy but I just love having nothing that I have to be doing, and I love spending all my time with boo, she is my life and I love being a mom! We'll see how much longer this lasts, however if Dave gets fired because of this crappy market this little job might come in handy:) We could upgrade to a doublewide refrigerator box, and maybe be able to furnish it a little:) as we're living on the streets.