Aubreigh

OK here are some pics not the greatest and I have plenty of time to get the ones off my camera but as I sit here and look at how far I have to walk to get the camera it's a very daunting task:)

Tinker Bell runs out of Pixie Dust

Here is what happens when Tinker Bell runs out of Pixie Dust. Dave and I couldn't find Kaleigh today and this is how he found her...her wings still on and both her and her Tink doll were too tired to continue playing!

My New Little Angel...

Aubreigh Vivian Larson is finally here! She came Tuesday Oct. 27 @ 8:11pm. She weighed 6lbs7oz and was 19.25" long. She's so dang cute, and Kaleigh is the best big sister ever! She keeps coming upstairs to check on me and Aubreigh,and helped me feed her and give her a bath! I will get photos soon!

I Survived!

So Tuesday I went to the Dr. to be checked still praying and hoping for a miracle, but after talking with her and her telling me well see you tomorrow for your c-section my hoping got me nowhere. Came home later that afternoon to realize I was in labor. Put off going to the hospital for a while and finally went at 6:30 that night and was sent for an emergency c-section at 7:30. She was trying to turn but didn't make it and when they checked me I was 100% effaced and she felt toes right there. So by 8:11pm my little naughty girl was here! Good thing she's cute! So while in the tiage the drug man came in to talk to me (I have no idea how to spell anastegeologist?) and I begged him to not let me throw up. (For those of you that don't know me it's my biggest phobia, fear ever!!!!) He looked at me and said over half of the women throw up...rude!! But he gave me cocktail of anti-vomit medicine as soon as the cord was cut and I did good! Besides shaking uncontrollably for 2 hours after wards everything was fairly easy and very quick. If anything what they make you drink before you go in is like drinking vomit! Recovery is very slow and equally annoying but they let me come home before 48 hours and I was determined to get unhooked from all the cords and I.V's you're hooked up to. I however would never opt for this way and would never want to do it again. Vaginal births are soooo much easier and you can atleast move around and not be hunched over like a 95 yr old woman:)
Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts I really needed that and appreciate everything!

Caring for Nothing...

Why is it when you really care about something everyone else could care less? Or is that just how we feel? As I panic myself to death and dread the weeks to come, I'm the only one caring. My favorite hymn is "I Know That My Redeemers Lives", and the one part I love the most is he lives to hear my soul's complaints. I have done a lot of complaining these last couple days as I have a very naughty baby who won't turn herself around. But does he care or does he just hear my complaint? How do we give up control and just say oh well it is what it is? I'm so bad at that! I still have hope that I am panicking myself for nothing, and it probably won't be as bad as I'm making it out to be but can't anything ever, ever just be easy? This life is hard enough! How can we just gain more faith and just be ok, not scared, or sad, or lonely, just be ok?

Need Help!

Went to the Dr. Tuesday, she gained weight she's doing good we're out of the danger zone however, she's breech...still!!! I still feel I'm in the danger zone I don't want to be cut, I need any suggestions on getting her to get her butt up out of my pelvis and insert her head there instead!!! :)

Sneek peek of my new girl...

Ok here is what she kind of looks like, I went and had a 4d ultrasound done, so here's a sneek peek. She has a little smirk in the first one, then her knee is up by her face (she loves to be in a ball), and then my favorite, already sucking her thumb.

So now I need help with my name choice. I want Aubrey, but I want to spell it Aubreigh....too much? My middle name is Leigh that's why Kaleigh has the eigh and now I want her to have the eigh, but my brother told me to get over the eigh thing. :)

My baby is 3...

Yikes, I can't beleive I have a three year old. Where does the time go? All I know is thank goodness I'm having another baby because I'm not ready to be done with babies around and someone that actually needs you instead of a now independant toddler or one that only likes her daddy. Yes I'm jelous:) I had Amy take some pictures for me for her birthday invitation so check these out. She's so beautiful and so big!! :(

Keeping Up...

I've decided to keep blogging, and get over anonymously left comments on my blog. It's easy to judge when you've never walked in someone else's shoes. But more so I've decided to blog again because my Dr. told me she's about to put me on bed rest because my baby is measuring small, so the only way I can not do anything is to keep my laptop right here by me. It's amazing how much time you can waste when you have your laptop next to you. It's 8:30 and I'm already bored and thinking about everything I could be doing instead of sitting here on my computer, but I have to think of the baby and make sure she is ok, so I will just sit still. :(

Letting the cat out of the bag...

So let's just get it over with...I'm pregnant. Can you tell how enthused I am about being so:( I feel so rude for not being overly excited and parts of me is but I'm just not one to be a child bearer. I don't enjoy the surge of hormones, and I don't find it cute to be kicked constantly...I feel they wear out their welcome inside of you very quickly! I need a baby wal-mart where I can pick the color and sex of the next one I want. She is due Oct. 18th and I hope she's early and ready to get out quick!! They tell me she's a she but I'm still not convinced. July 29th is my next ultra sound and if they tell me then it's still a girl well then a girl it is, it would be more convienent if it was becasue I have more then enough for her to pass on down but my heart was really hoping for a boy if i had to go through this again. Have you ever noticed we just don't get what we want in life?:) (I know I should be greatful for a healty baby and not be consumed with the sex, but to me it's the most fun to shop for them!) So there it is...I know people have been talking and looking, and I do have a beer gut but I didn't take up drinking it's just the baby stretching out my body:)

Updating my Blog...

Now I know why I stopped this for so long...it comsumes too much of my time and I could sit here forever playing around with all of this! Need to catch up on life but really I feel like I am in one of those ruts where I would rather not be in my own life...at some point in time I will catch up on my blogging. But for now my background is pretty:)

OH MY SWEET KALEIGH

me yelling from upstairs...(thinking huh I haven't heard from her in awhile...) Kaleigh where are you?

"eating cheese, right here"

and this is what i found....

i guess i'll have to start paying more attention:)

something to talk about...

I remember I got a phone call today from an agency (finally) but it wasn't a good phone call. We thought maybe going in a direction of foster to adopt would be a good option, but I just don't know how I could give the baby back to a crappy family when I know if they stayed with me I would give them the world and nothing but love. She said well ultimately the goal is to reunite them with their families because the best place for them is with their mom and dad. really because if the state is even involved in a family that's a problem to me...a huge problem!!! and ultimately I don't agree that that is the best place for the kids. I mostly feel like a chicken with my head cut off trying desparately to find a direction to go that will provide me with another child. How sad is that? I know you think well why don't you just do it again, (that's what my family says all the time and I really want to punch them when they ask that). I lost a huge! part of my life after Kaleigh, I was soo sick and anxious and couldn't travel couldn't do anything, it has taken me two years to finally get to the point where I could drive into town and not be so anxious and retarded. Maybe it wasn't due to being pregnant and it was just something that was going to happen but my pregnancy was the worst thing in the whole entire world, I would rather go through the scare and surgery of cancer again then have a baby. Plus in my heart I know this is what I am supposed to do I just thought it would be easier then this...and then to hear or know kids should be reunited with their loser parents, really makes my inards boil.
ok i will quit with my pitty party because really i am quite good at them...:)

time for something new...

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would post something...but as I sit here I think what do I really have to talk about. Last Friday I got hit so I have been spending a lot of time taking care of that with my car and trying to get it fixed but it will be fixed next week:). Then I have been spending so much time with my cousins lately, and well that always has it's ups and downs. Although Brandon and I have a good time. And then there is work. Oh work, really I got married so I wouldn't have to work. (I know that sounds bad but it's true) It doesn't appeal to me at all it isn't something I enjoy. I love money though!! and having some extra money to spend is always nice. However call me lazy but I just love having nothing that I have to be doing, and I love spending all my time with boo, she is my life and I love being a mom! We'll see how much longer this lasts, however if Dave gets fired because of this crappy market this little job might come in handy:) We could upgrade to a doublewide refrigerator box, and maybe be able to furnish it a little:) as we're living on the streets.

cooking with Kaleigh

the other day I was making some chex mix and Kaleigh wanted to help. It's not often that I cook so this is foreign to Kaleigh but thank goodness my mom thought to take some pictures, because I'm not good at that either, but this was fun!!

we kept telling her to smile but she thinks that means put a cheesey grin on and close your eyes!

oh this trial of mine...

so for those of you that know me i struggle with anxiety, and it's been fairly recent that i have been so open about it, but then again those that know me i am pretty much an open book so keeping this so bottled up inside of me wasn't doing me any good. i haven't left tucson in over 2 years, i know loser, however on friday dave and i went up to phoenix for a couple's conference. it was a huge step!!! and one that was not easy but i accomplished. the weirdest thing was i was so ok to go there and then something triggered me and i freaked out coming home. i just couldn't get home fast enough. i don't know if anyone else has struggled from panic attacks but it is the most horrifying experience one could ever have. i think i would rather be hit by a semi truck then agonize through a panic attack. and then panicking for two hours on the way home, shaking like a leaf and i mean shaking, and there was nothing i could do about it. it's at those moments my testimony goes down the drain and i wonder...really do you hear me because i feel very alone right now and you are not taking this dreadful pain and worry away from me. now i know that's not true and when i am doing good i often forget how much the lord really does do for me, but when you're in it it's the scariest thing you will ever live through in your life. however i made it and that's what's most important, this awful disease has robbed me from years of my life, and for some reason there never seems to be the right answer or the right doctor or cure. what's takin me the longest to get is that you have to except that you have it and learn to live with it. i thought by hiding from it and not telling anyone it would one day go away exactly like it came. however, looking back there were always signs, but i wanted it to go away and not ruin the rest of my life. the more i talked about it the better i felt and the more outlets i find. i still hate it!! and that will never go away! i still don't want to live with it and i don't want it to live with me in my life! some trials we just don't get and we just can't seem to make sense of them, but isn't it such a blessing that we have the gospel to help get us through them. this trial has caused me many long sufferings, and has cost me peices of my live and relationships, but i hold on to that one day when it will all make sense! there will be an ah-ha day at the end of this trial!

Looking Forward

well it's a new day and the election is over which I'm very glad because I'm tired of the phone calls and the stupid commericials, it didn't work out in our favor but we'll pray for the best! However I haven't yet heard from my brother so I am anxiously waiting for a phone call from him to see what this means for our troops. but now I am in Christmas mode...I can't wait until black friday...ahh it's like a drug. you just can't ever get enough of it! i love the deals, the shopping and the people who are right there with me. I also love that I can start watching Christmas Vacation every night, I ususally don't start that until Thanksgiving night, but this year I figure let's just start it early! My poor husband ends up watching the whole thing everynight as I ususally fall asleep during the opening credits or cutting down the Christmas tree. There is always something to look forward too:)

Praying for a miracle...

well it isn't looking good and i'm praying that a miracle happens and Obama will not continue to lead. what is the world full of idiots? I guess this only means that the times are changing for the worse rapidly, all I pray is that my brother returns home from Iraq safely or alive! Even he said we will loose so many more soliders if Obama gets into office. I guess that is just the reality of the second coming, but it still makes me so mad that people have elected this loser! This is when I have to let my control go, and have a little faith:) hopefully we have a republican house, or a house of intellegent people to superseed his wants and changes!! This is too scarey!!!!

My Little Lady Bug

we had sooo much fun at the boo shoot with reyna...well i had fun she wasn't much into it but i thought these were cute pictures. and yes i brought my dogs all dressed up in their costumes too...i'm one of those peopel! :0)-http://rey2cute.squarespace.com/ (check out my dogs)

I got tagged...
10 years ago I...
1. was getting my license
2. was living the single life :) (no worries no nothing)
3. was living off of my parents (ahh even better)
4. lived in greeley, co
5. probably contemplating my prom date or dress

5 things on my "to do" list today (or tomorrow)
1. well i never get one thing done but probably help my cousins out more
2. find some furniture for their place, what a rip off the goodwill and savers is!
3. maybe do laundry but i doubt it i hate it so much
4. eat
5. enjoy friday!

Snacks that I enjoy...
1. fruit
2. english muffins
3. any candy
4. eegee's (I can't get enough of that place)
5. wheat thins

5 things I would do I were a millionaire...
1. oh my heck that makes me gidy even thinking about it...shop til i drop!!!
2. make sure kaleigh has everything for her life
3. make sure my parents are set and my brother, and my cousins
4. build my dream home
5. hope i was a multi millionaire because i would be broke already:)

5 places I have lived...
1. Tucson, AZ
2. Meridian, ID
3. Scottsdale, AZ
4. Greeley, CO
5. well maybe when i'm older i'll have five places or my dream place is anywhere in southern california on the beach!! (dave and i are cali bound,,,that is our dream)

5 jobs I've had...
1. Richmond American
2. Sun Studios
3. UNI Design
4. The Buckle
5. Dairy Queen

I TAG:
well i don't have 5 friends on my blog yet and everyone has been tagged...except for my Allison!! so you're it!! :)